Just to cringe when I see who I am.
I have turned out to be what I hate,
I am nothing, I am not worth a damn.
I recall being assured at a young age,
That I can be anything that I dream,
But this face has had its better days,
And my mind is begging me to leave.
Is this all that I thought I could be,
Or was everybody feeding me lies?
How can they promise I'd be happy,
If I am no more than too old to cry?
I never wanted to grow up a failure,
I never actually wanted to grow up,
Although I had to, I can't show for,
Some seven thousand days of no luck.
I wish I knew how to make a change,
A change for the better just one time,
Each day looks, feels, hurts the same,
This punishment cannot fit the crime.
I am seeking the voice of salvation,
Without a bit of hope, trust or faith.
I give in to every single temptation,
For all that I care, heaven will wait.
Or heaven will never see me anyway,
Since I do bad all for my own good,
And I feel far too immoral to pray,
So it'd all be in vain even if I could.
I can just continue eluding myself,
As if I'm a stubborn, ignorant child.
And keep on blaming everybody else,
As I hopelessly deny being in denial.
I wish I were still an oblivious infant,
Innocent and unknowing of my fate.
In hindsight I should have listened,
When you said don't piss my life away.
This will be the ultimate death of me,
I can't pinpoint where it went wrong.
It will be a relief rather than tragedy,
I'm past being saved, I'm too far gone.
Copyright 2007
-John Gehrig