But now I feel the need to,
Apologize for all the hearts,
I have destroyed in the past.
After every plotting, clever,
Scheme I had, I never knew,
Exactly how deep the scars,
Get, and how long they last.
I put so many others through,
An anguish similar to my own,
Kinda like it was my payback,
To everyone that abused me,
Even if deep inside I knew,
I'd still be miserable alone,
No matter if I showed tact,
I was going to be the enemy.
I still hate myself as much,
Quite possibly a little more,
As I did before I met you,
For subjecting you to this,
Wreck of my life and such,
That didn't ruin you before,
I decided to tell the truth,
That I am merely hopeless.
I am still terribly ashamed,
Of the innocent ones caught,
In this web of insecurities,
Even more powerful than I.
I don't seem to be the same,
Person that was once taught,
To overlook your impurities,
Or give second chances a try.
I am sorry to anyone at all,
Who ever lost sleep at night,
Over something I have done,
If it was blatant or otherwise,
I want to help when you fall,
But I know it's just not right,
To blindly wave a loaded gun,
And pray no one but me dies.
I know I am so hard to read,
I feel the same about myself,
It's not my desire to inflict,
Pain at all, it's my complexion.
You don't want or ever need,
My abuse when I try to help,
How I acted makes me sick,
I need to erase my reflection.
Copyright 2006
-John Gehrig